so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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