Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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