You really coming over, don't trick.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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