Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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