look no pants
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
