shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
