You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
