I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize