Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
