I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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