In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
