Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
