Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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