how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
