So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I look better un-naked...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This house was built for laser tag.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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