I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
