ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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