I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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