even my farts smell like vagina
operation have a gay friend backfired
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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