The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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