Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
