no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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