you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize