Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
