hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
