Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
