I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
