eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
