there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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