I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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