you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
