I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i out mim tonsoeep
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