she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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