He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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