i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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