He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
