upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
