Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
