he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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