Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
