she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
