Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
