Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just cropdusted the office
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
