i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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