I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
