I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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