he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize