I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
