Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
