We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
