Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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