I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
