are you still at the devil's house?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize