meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
