Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
