I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize