I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
