I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
