he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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