Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
