I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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