Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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