i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I need water and some morals
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
