did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
