you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
