I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
