let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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