he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
