Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
