i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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