i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just want nice things and good sex
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
