Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
