Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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