I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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