a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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