Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
