Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
