It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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