her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
