So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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