He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
