mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
