I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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