$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
