Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
